Boundaries Create Safety
On Tuesday night I taught my 17th workshop of the year (see blurry picture above) — and something happened that honestly shocked me.
For the first time ever, I set a hard ‘door-close’ boundary:
Doors open at 6:00.
Doors close at 6:15.
No late entry.
I’ll be honest… I hesitated to set that boundary, but I knew it was needed.
A few workshops ago, I waited 30 minutes to begin because someone I wanted to be there hadn’t arrived yet. Instead of holding the container, I slipped into fawn — one of the nervous system’s protective responses (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn) where we over-accommodate, appease, or people-please to keep other people comfortable.
I felt I was being “nice” in the moment.
But it cost me in the end.
We didn’t get to everything I had planned — and someone approached me afterward to share they were disappointed they didn’t get the full workshop experience. Rightly so.
It was a wake-up call for me as a facilitator, but also as a human.
So on Tuesday night — for a workshop centered around nervous system regulation — I held the boundary. Even when it felt uncomfortable. Even when my nervous system wanted to soften it.
And what happened next surprised me:
Seven people arrived before 6pm.
The other thirteen were in before 6:15 — most before 6:05!
This has never happened in 17 workshops.
That’s when I remembered: Boundaries create safety. Boundaries create trust. Boundaries create readiness. Not just for me — but for everyone in the space.
Because the work we do in my workshops is deep and tender. You’re meeting yourself. You’re meeting your nervous system. You’re meeting the parts of you that hold fear, tension, or protection.
And for work like that, the container matters.
The timing matters. The energy matters. The intention matters.
When someone walks in late, it fractures the field — and when you’re doing nervous system work, that fracture can be loud.
But when a boundary is clear, loving, and held…the container becomes sacred, people show up ready, and the nervous system says, “ah… I feel safe here.”
And the deeper truth is: Every boundary is a nervous system skill.
It’s not about being strict or rigid or “mean.”
It’s about the regulation that comes from speaking your truth, holding your line, being in integrity with yourself.
It’s about having the internal capacity to hold the discomfort of “I might disappoint someone,” so you can stay anchored in what creates the most safety for yourself and the whole.
If you want to learn the tools, skills, and practices to befriend your nervous system —
to feel more resilient, more connected, more free, more at ease, and more capable of navigating all that life throws your way…
Join me for the next workshop on Tuesday, December 16.
Doors open at 6:00. Doors close at 6:15. 😉
With love,
Dayna
