Try shaving your head and getting your parents approval.
Let’s get real for a moment.
If you’re reading this, I have a hunch that at some point in your life, you’ve felt like you didn’t quite belong — especially within your family of origin.
True or false?
(If true, keep reading. If false…keep reading to gain empathy for the other 95% of us.)
I grew up in a family with traditional values and clear expectations about the path I’d take: same college-prep school for 13 years, leadership roles all throughout my academic career — the classic high-achieving “good girl” who lived to please others, especially her parents.
And for a while, I played that part spectacularly.
But when I began traveling in my mid-twenties, my worldview cracked open. I started questioning everything — what success meant, what “normal” meant, what it alllll meant — and especially, what I was meant for.
That was the beginning of my unfurling — the path that led me into personal development, embodiment, coaching, and ultimately, the work I do now.
Looking back, it makes me laugh to think that following my innate curiosity — my thirst for growth, my inner knowing, my true north — was ever going to earn my parents’ approval.
I mean, I…
moved to Africa and lived off-grid 🌍
worked on an organic farm in Maui 🌺
lived in a van for 2 months 🚐
shaved my head (don't belive me? scroll down!) 💇🏻♀️
worked on a startup salary for most of my career 👩🏻💻
dated a man ~twenty years my senior 👴
dated a woman with two young kids 👧👧
& became a life coach 👋
(and those are just the things they know about!! ;)
And yet, despite all those “radical” choices to just “live my life and be me!” — deep down there was still a part of me seeking approval and belonging from them.
For a decade it felt like two forces were living inside me: one steering me toward my truth, another craving to be seen, known and accepted by my family.
And over time, that quiet tug-of-war shaped how I showed up around my family.
I’d arrive at dinners, holidays, and vacations subconsciously on guard and defensive, because, if I’m honest, I didn’t feel safe being my full self around people — especially my family — who I didn’t think truly saw or understood me.
A therapist friend described it perfectly: “It’s like everyone’s close… but nobody’s touching.”
That line pierced me. Because that’s exactly how it felt — all this time together, yet beneath the surface, I was creating a subtle divide between us that sent a chill through me.
But when I stepped fully into coaching, I had to get radically honest with myself: If I wanted to guide others into authenticity and wholeness, I first had to make myself whole.
So I made a commitment — to give myself the acceptance and validation I’d been waiting for from them. To make myself whole unto myself.
Truthfully, that choice created a new kind of separation — but this time, a healthy one. It showed me where I’d been trying to be seen and met in places they simply couldn’t meet me. And it was from that place, that I learned to meet myself.
Fast forward, I've stopped pining for understanding in areas they don't have context and have begun meeting them where we can meet: through music, travel, crafting, storytelling, and laughter.
I've let myself be where I am, and I've let them be where they are.
And you know what? The warmth has returned.
We laugh more. We share more. My parents are now genuinely curious about my work. They’ve even asked when they can come to The S.A.B.S. Club. :)
But here’s the difference: I no longer need that from them.
Their curiosity is a gift — but their approval and understanding are no longer things that stand between me and my full expression, anywhere or with anyone, including them.
Whatever your version of this looks like — whether it’s choosing a partner, a path, or a way of life your family doesn’t fully understand — I invite you to ask yourself:
Where might you still be seeking approval that you could instead give yourself?
Because freedom begins there.
With all the warmth,
Dayna
